Now that it's over, I feel empty, lost, and ridiculously exhausted.

It has been said that one of the ways that I show love is through acts of service. I don’t know if that is true, but I do know I was taught that if you have it in your ability to help someone then you do. If you are going to do something do it well and to the absolute best of your ability, and if your talents can bless someone else then you have an obligation to be a blessing. When my best friend asked me to be her maid of honor I was overjoyed to take on the task to give her the best bridal experience that I could.  For a year and 5 months we planned, crafted, and coordinated her big event which culminated in a beautiful night of celebration and love. I don’t even remember everything that happened. I remember getting ready, forcing her to eat food almost every hour leading up to the wedding, making her take a few swigs of liquid courage, and hugging her right before I walked down the aisle before her. Everything after that is a blur. The reception was great fun, I remember dancing, but I can’t tell you to what or with whom. I do however remember the night being over and the task of clean up beginning. We blew out candles, dumped out large vases of water and collected table linens. Somehow we managed to fit all the gifts, framed photos, and other reception decor into our cars and went home for the night.  The next morning I was up at 7 am to be over to the bride’s parent’s house to help prepare a brunch for out of town guests and families.  The brunch was great and after a quick trip to a hotel to pick up the bride’s dress I was done for the day. That evening I melted into my couch and began to finally let my poor body recover.

Monday rolled around; worked crawled by and finally after 8 long and painful hours I was on my way home. It was then that something odd and intense happened. I was sad. I was the kind of sad that forces you to pull off to the side of the road so that it can unipededly crash down on you with the strength of a rogue wave. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready to feel this lost, this empty, this anchorless. I mean it was just a wedding. It was a beautiful wedding where my friend got married to a man that loves and cherishes her the way she deserves to be. But she was my best friend, my chosen sister, part of my heart. I was not expecting this. So after I finally made it home and with the help of my amazing roommates (and an Azteca Martini, hey it was Cinco de Mayo) I was able to make it through the night. As I layed in bed trying to calm my mind down one question kept drumming over and over in my head…what now? What do I do now that there is a big hole of nothingness where a year and a half or wedding planning once sat? What now that my best friend is married and I am still single (like hardcore single, the kind of singe that makes family members start to whisper questions at get togethers)? And as I felt another tidal wave of emotion begin to wash over me something deep within me yelled out “Patiently Wait!” Suddenly, I could breathe again. The wave receded and a faint light began to emerge over the horizon. I turned over, close my eyes, and start to drift to sleep while thinking about patiently waiting. I wish I could say that there was some sort of great plan that was given to me in a dream or even that the next day and days to follow were without a sadness incident or an emptiness feeling. I wasn’t I cried in my cube at work and rolled my eyes when stupid coworkers asked me if I was next or when song after song on the radio made me want to jump out of my moving vehicle. But in time it got better and I have surrendered to patiently waiting…sort of.